Family History

In an interesting newspaper editorial, Sarri Gilman in the The Herald talked about the lies her grandparents told her:

It is disappointing when beliefs we hold close to our hearts turn out to be not worthy of our aspirations. Sometimes these beliefs, or things we trust to be true, turn out to be mythology, or just one big fat lie.

The big lie I’m trying to cope with right now is something I learned as a child. The lie went like this, “The more responsibility you have, the greater the amount of freedom you will have.”

I think this lie was some sort of allergic reaction to 1960s hippies. Those of us coming of age in 1978 were taught that freedom is not something you find in a psychedelic experience, but rather something you gain through toiling.

Toiling is putting it mildly. We were told to work, work, work, and the reward will be the joy of freedom.

I Googled around to see if this big fat lie was attributed to some famous person, or if it was just my grandfather hammering this into my head.

My mother and I are still “recovering” from our discoveries during the recent trip to Wisconsin to trace her family’s roots. While much of what we uncovered matched the version of family history we’d been told, a lot didn’t add up.

My mother was told (as was I) all of her life how unloved, unappreciated, and overworked her father was growing up with his grandparents and later with his aunt and uncle. She tells of his stories of being all alone and isolated from everyone. Yet, whatever his experience, the reality is that he grew up on an active dairy farm with his grandparents, 11 full and half brothers and sisters, and more than 7 aunts and uncles, and who knows how many nieces and nephews living within two miles of his home He was not alone by a long shot. Touted as the one with the smarts, he was sent off to a boarding school to train teachers. We found photographs of him on various school sports teams and social clubs, belying the accuracy of his tales. Sure, he might have felt alone inside, but on the outside, he was surrounded by family and community.

As Gilman’s column says, it comes as a shock when we realize that the myths our ancestors taught us don’t add up to the reality here in the modern world. So it’s more than just the stories, but the beliefs passed down generation after generation. At some point, one generation stops in its repetitive tracks and questions what they were told to believe.

My mother is coping with her revelations, and I’m dealing with mine. I was taught to believe that everyone in our family died either before or just after they turned 55. Yet, I’ve found that other than from epidemics passing through, the majority of our family’s ancestors lived past 80 with many almost reaching 100! I don’t know if I would have lived my life much differently if I’d been taught that, but part of me thinks that I would have lived it much more cautiously. Is this a good or bad thing? Hmm.

I was also raised to believe that we were alone, with no family nearby. I grew up almost completely ignorant of the many cousins I had living within a 5-10 mile range of my home. I’m meeting them today, but we’re overcoming over 40 years of lost time knowing family. Unfortunately, this has trained me not to be very family-oriented, so I’m struggling with my own personal attitudes about what “family” means.

The more I dig into the past, the more I come to understand my own, more recent past, and the more I learn about myself, my beliefs, and my personality. One cousin I recently met could be my sister. Her personality so matches mine in so many ways, I feel like a part of me has been restored to me. It’s very strange, but glorious. We were raised by completely different people in completely different situations, yet she sounds like me and has ideas and opinions that link up perfectly we me. I can see us finishing each other’s sentences as we get to know each other better. Very strange.

So what are you learning about yourself, your values, your beliefs, and your family’s myths as you explore your family tree? Any interesting concepts you’ve had to challenge yourself on?

Personal Narrative Collection suggestions is a fabulous list of prompts for inspiring recollections of your past. This is an excellent tool for those writing their memoirs or autobiographies, to help children tell stories of their life, and for anyone writing about themselves or a family member.

Here are few examples to get the brain looking back into the past for some good stories.

1. [An important friend] Think about a friend who has been an important part of your life. How did you become friends with this person? Think about when you met, what you did, and how your friendship grew. Write a story about this friendship. Give enough details to tell the reader about this friendship.

5. [Special adventure] All of us have had a special time or adventure in our lives. It could be anything such as a visit with a friend or relative, a party you went to, or a game you watched or played. Or it could be something completely different. Write a story about a special time or adventure that you have had. Give enough details in your story to show what it was like and what made it so special.

7. [An important person] Think about people you know or have met. Choose ONE person who has made a big difference in your life. Write about that person AND describe his or her positive effect on your life.

9. [Lightbulb Moment] Think of an experience when you realized that you suddenly understood an idea, a skill, or a concept you had been struggling with. Write a narrative that tells the story of your movement toward understanding. Your paper should help readers understand how you felt to struggle with the idea or skill and then to understand.

12. [The Good and the Bad] Think about an event in your life that seemed bad but turned out to be good. Tell the story of the event that you experienced and help your readers understand how an event that seemed negative turned out to have valuable consequences.

16. [Standing Up] Choose a time when you did something that took a lot of nerve, a time when you didn’t follow the crowd or a time when you stood up for your beliefs. Think about the details of the event and write a story that tells about what happened. Your narrative should show your readers why you decided to make a stand or try something that took nerve, give specifics on the events, and share how you felt after the event.

21. [Creating a Story] Imagine that you find a page torn from a short story that has only two lines: “That’s how I became known as a ‘Hero.’ THE END” For a friend, create another story that could still end with this page.

The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) has a site for researching US federal land records called the The Official Federal Land Records Site. On the Federal Land Records site, you can search for image access on more than 2 million federal land title records. The research is fairly limited to the east side of the United States, specifically called the Eastern Public Land States, which were issued between 1820 and 1908 to Americans for a variety of reasons, including a reward for military service. More current records (1908-1960) are being added to the site, so your luck with these maybe hit and miss.

They do have an extensive list of sites which offer other land records and information sorted by state. If the BLM’s records do not have what you are researching, then try one of these other resources.

To search the Land Patent Records online, select the state, enter the name of the patentee or warrantee (who you are researching) and click search. A list of the search results will appear.

Go down the list to find the name and information that mostly resembles your relative. Click on the name and you will be taken to the Land Patent Details page. There, you can look at the Patent Description, Legal Land Description, and view an image of the document in one or more graphic forms from GIF to PDF.

You may find your ancestors in the Bureau of Land Management Patent Records, or you might not. There is little that directly ties your ancestor to these records unless you know where they lived at a specific time or their name is uniquely distinctive. Many of these records do not feature the signature of the actual person, as some couldn’t read nor write. Names are often misspelled, too. Still, they are an invaluable resource to discovering your ancestors’ past location and activities.

In the Scrapbooking section of LifeWriter’s Digest is “Save the Story Behind the Photos: Six Strategies”, a worthwhile read if you are into scrapbooking or photo albums, and especially if you are recording your family’s stories.

Our family stories are in danger of being lost. But, it doesn’t have to happen! Anyone‹including you‹can learn to preserve personal and family stories in writing. It’s not that hard to reverse the loss of family memory.

The quickest and easiest place to start is the family photo album. You can transform your memories from scattered recollections into a well-organized heritage or lifestory album by “photoscribing” – writing the stories your photos depict. What a meaningful gift for your family now and for future generations!

We often tell our stories to one another as we leaf through the pages of our scrapbooks. But, unless those stories are written down, they survive only as long as the words hang in the air. Think of all the photos you have from your parents and grandparents. Can you identify all the relatives and friends? Do you know the stories behind the photos? Or, are they lost?

Excellent point. Do you know who these people are? And do you know the stories behind those pictures?

It’s important that your descendants understand more than the dates of your birth, marriage, and death. We want to know who you were, how you lived, and what kept you going through the good and the bad. We want the stories.

As you uncover the stories of your past, make sure you record them, in addition to the photographs, so your descendants can share the stories behind the photographs.